Common BPD Triggers

People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often struggle with emotional dysregulation. Our mood can change multiple times throughout the day. This is because many things can trigger us due to our fear of abandonment. A lot of them may seem small to the people around us, but they are not small to us. Some of the most common triggers for someone with BPD are:

1. Rejection

   Feeling rejected in general can feel painful, but to someone with BPD it can trigger an emotional meltdown due to our fear of abandonment. It feels like the person who rejected us hates us even if they have a valid reason to reject us. It can make us feel like we are not good enough for anyone.

2. Reminders of Traumatic Events

   Reminding someone of their trauma would upset anyone, but to someone with BPD it feels like you are telling us we deserved it. Bringing up trauma in general is unnecessary. Reminding someone with BPD of their trauma may cause a sudden outburst of anger due to feeling invalidated.

3. Ending Relationships

   This is one of my personal biggest triggers. If you have read previous posts, I'm sure you have figured that out. A lot of people with BPD do not like sudden changes. Suddenly ending a relationship is a big change and can trigger intense anger. We have strong feelings and will probably feel like we are being abandoned because of it.

4. Perceived or Real Abandonment

   This kind of goes along with ending relationships. When someone leaves us, we feel abandoned. We do not know if they ever plan to come back, so we just assume the worst. Being abandoned can cause intense feelings. This can be anxiety, depression, anger, etc. Abandonment is one of the biggest BPD triggers in general.

5. Feelings Getting Hurt

   People may say things that are not intended to be harsh, but we take things very personal without trying to. Something as simple as saying "no" to an important question may set someone with BPD off.

6. Criticism

   This includes constructive criticism. I know it is important to hear it sometimes, but do not be surprised if there is an extreme reaction. While it is important, those of us with BPD often already feel like we fail everyday, so it will just make us feel worse. A lot of people do not like hearing any kind of criticism, but to use it feels like we don't deserve to even be here anymore.

7. Being Ignored

   This is probably my other biggest trigger. We have a person who we consider our "favorite person". I have another post related to it and will add the link at the bottom. A "favorite person" is a person we have unrealistic expectations of and expect to talk to us regularly. We are all aware it is an unhealthy relationship and want to fix it, but it can be extremely difficult. I think being ignored by anyone can be triggering for us because we may feel like we upset someone even if there is no reason for them to be upset with us; however, the favorite person ignoring us feels a lot more harsh than our other relationships.

8. Jokes About Leaving Them

   I know it is common to joke around with friends or anyone you may be close to, but it can be really triggering for people with BPD. People are constantly leaving us because we are "too emotional" or "too much". We may take these jokes literally without intending to and get really upset. Depending on the person, they may be fine, but keep in mind it can set us off as well. I used to get very offended by these jokes, but I realized which people in my life are actually going to stay. This can be a tricky one, but always be cautious.

9. Not Enough Attention

   This might seem like we are conceited, but it is actually the complete opposite. We have never felt validated before. Someone who is conceited wants attention because they believe they are better than everyone. We need it because we feel like we are worse than everyone. A simple text or call may make someone with BPD feel better about themselves.

10. Last Minute Cancellations

    This is another tricky one. There are people with BPD with dual diagnoses or that are introverted and love plans getting cancelled. Those are people who may just not feel up to going out all the time, but the majority of people with BPD may feel rejected by cancelled plans. In my case it is a 50/50. I am also autistic, so sometimes I don't feel up to going out because I am already overwhelmed. If I am in the mood to go though, then I can get really depressed when the plans get cancelled. It can depend on the situation for the one.

Please take care of your loved one's with Borderline Personality Disorder. I know a lot of these things are unavoidable, but try to be cautious. When you can, avoid these triggers; however, if you cannot avoid them, then be patient. Give the person with BPD in your life reassurance that they are good enough to be here. Remind them that they do not deserve any of these triggers. You can offer to get out of the house with them or just give them a call and tell them you're thinking about them. It does not have to be anything crazy. It may sound like these are everyday triggers for anyone, but they are much more difficult for someone with BPD since they have that extreme fear of abandonment and it is usually due to their trauma. Everyone's experience with BPD is different and I am only sharing my side. These are common triggers, but different people may experience different things. I hope this helps understand more about BPD. Thank you for reading!

Link to "favorite people" post: https://www.fiftyshadesofjade.com/post/favorite-person