What is Splitting in BPD?

Splitting is a common term in borderline personality disorder (BPD). It is viewing something or someone as all good or all bad. It is a form of black and white thinking. This is usually triggered by something that causes emotional distress. It can be minor or severe. Some examples would be separation, arguments, stressful events, or changes in environment. One of my biggest triggers is being ignored. Something as minor as not getting a text back as quick as you want it can cause a split in BPD.

Some signs someone is splitting are:

• idealizing someone one minute, then telling them you hate them the next

• cutting someone out of your life impulsively, then feeling abandoned

• sudden mood swings

• impulsive behavior (e.g., drugs, spending, sex, reckless driving)

• needing attention

When I go through a split it can look like all of these combined. I will start yelling if it is in person and then be fine within 30 minutes. If it is online I have blocked them and unblocked them within minutes. I go from crying to screaming to being fine. I have spent too much, driven recklessly, taken more medication than I should, and had unsafe sex when I was not thinking. I am extremely needy and am constantly needing attention. As soon as I am over with a split, I usually have to ask the person "are we good?" to be reassured that I did not ruin that relationship. A lot of people end up abandoning those of us with BPD due to the splits becoming overwhelming. If you can, please be patient with us and do not leave us. We are splitting because we are scared you will leave. Prove to us that people do care enough to stick by us.

These are just some of the signs and causes. Splitting can look different in every individual with BPD. It can be just as stressful for the person experiencing it as it is for the person on the receiving end. The best thing you can do when someone is splitting is give them reassurance and be patient with them. It is also important not to take it personally. It is often something that triggered the trauma of the person with BPD. It may help to encourage the person with BPD to seek professional help; however, be sure to say it with care. If it gets taken the wrong way; it could cause a split itself. It is important for the person with BPD to know that you are not going to abandon them because that is their biggest fear all the time.