What is BPD?

I mentioned I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in a previous post. I wanted to go more into depth about what that meant. BPD is a personality disorder that affects someone's relationships. It is also a strong fear of abandonment. They tend to have very unstable relationships and can have wide mood swings. I'm going to go over some of the signs of BPD according to the DSM-5. A person has to meet 5 out of 9 of the criteria to be diagnosed.

1. Frantic Efforts to Avoid Abandonment

This can literally look like grabbing onto someone, so they will not leave you. The abandonment can be imagined or real. There have been times where I call someone multiple times or literally grab onto them in person to avoid them leaving me. A lot of us are aware that this might actually make the person want to leave quicker; however, it is out of our control most of the time.

2. Unstable Relationships

This can be any relationship and is usually very intense. It is very black or white thinking. We either believe this person is the most amazing person in the world or we feel like we hate them (even when we don't). There is often a "favorite person" in BPD and this tends to show more for me in that relationship. It tends to be a very toxic relationship, but it isn't always. I will make a post going more into depth about a favorite person at a later time.

3.Identity Disturbance

This is a lack of self-image. It can look like never knowing who you are. For example, my goals or beliefs might change every day. It can also be imitating the actions of people around us. We never truly know how we're feeling or what we want to do.

4. Impulsivity (at least two)

This can be sex, spending money, reckless driving, binge eating, or substance abuse. I tend to drive recklessly when I get impulsive.

5. Suicidal or Self- Harming Behavior

I have talked a lot about suicide attempts in the past; however, this can also be threats. Some people might say things like "I want to kill myself if you leave me". I have done both, even though I wish I didn't. It is very hard to stop yourself once you're in that mood. In my opinion this falls under impulsivity in a way. It's hard to control what you're saying in the moment. Self- harm is another common one. I don't go into detail with that one often, but this could be punching a wall until you're bleeding or cutting. I think a lot of people assume cutting is something that happens on your arms or wrists. It can happen on any part of the body and a lot of people do it on other parts to make it easier to hide. The suicidal and self -harming behavior are some of the signs I relate to the most.

6. Mood Swings

A lot of people get BPD and bipolar disorder mixed up because they both involve mood swings. They are completely different. One is a mood disorder and one is a personality disorder. The mood swings are much more rapid in BPD than they are in bipolar disorder. Mood swings in BPD can range from minutes to hours. In bipolar, they usually last days or weeks. My mood has flipped from being fine to being suicidal within five minutes before. It can be triggered by very small things; usually relating to a fear of abandonment.

7. Feelings of Emptiness

This can feel like lacking purpose or not really feeling anything. It feels like being disconnected with yourself. The best way to explain this is a lack of being hopeful.

8. Inappropriate, Intense Anger or Difficulty Controlling Anger

This one is pretty self-explanatory, but to give an example; there have been times where I got so mad that I punched and kicked someone. I've yelled at people on the phone out of anger. It is often triggered by something minor as well.

9. Stress-Related Paranoid Ideation

This can be paranoia that everyone is going to leave the person with BPD. It can also be thoughts like everyone hates me, people think I'm crazy, or I'm going to die. This one is hard to put into words if you don't experience it. It isn't the same as schizophrenia paranoia. It's more along the lines of fear of abandonment.

Here is a link to some more thoughts that may occur: https://themighty.com/topic/borderline-personality-disorder/paranoid-thoughts-bpd-borderline-personality-disorder/

These are the DSM-5 criteria for BPD. I personally meet them all; however you only need five to be diagnosed. BPD has been a struggle for me for a long time. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 22; however, I remember beginning to experience most of these symptoms at 14. It is often not diagnosed right away, but it is so important that it doesn't go untreated. It has caused me a lot of struggles in life and I have seen people who let their thoughts get the best of them. I hope this helps someone realize that they are not alone. I am also available to talk to if it is ever needed. My email should be on my home page. Thank you all for reading!