Identity Disturbance BPD

Identity disturbance is one of the 9 criteria to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Identity disturbance in BPD is a lack of self image or unstable sense of self. This can lead to inconsistent beliefs, values, and goals. Identity disturbance can even lead to how a person with BPD may present themselves to different people.

Examples of identity disturbance can look like changing majors constantly, changing career goals, changing opinions, and even changing who you may want to be friends with or the people you want in your life. Also behaving different around different people can be identity disturbance.

For me, I have changed my major several times and am still in and out of school because I cannot decide what to do. I also never had a specific "friend group" like most people do. I have friends I am closer to than others, but I have always been able to become friends with just about anyone due to changing my interests all the time. I can always find something different to enjoy, which makes it easier to talk to anyone and find similar interests; however, it can also lead to losing friends often when I get tired of that interest. It can be very difficult to manage identity disturbance.

Coping with identity disturbance can be very difficult. Therapy is one way to help. Two common therapies for BPD are cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Setting small goals first, then focusing on the bigger ones may help as well. Also figuring out your values to accomplish that goal may help. An example could be wanting to become a mental health counselor, so I want to help people (value). The small goal could be learning more about it and looking up classes needed to accomplish that goal. The long term goal then, would be to finish school. Also planning ahead, such as a 30 minute task to accomplish that goal every day. The last important thing to do is have a crisis plan when feeling overwhelmed. I usually call a friend, but if that does not work, you could try something like going for a walk or doing something else you enjoy. Getting up and doing something physical usually will help more than anything. In my opinion (not everyone's) the crisis plan is one of the most important things to keep things running smoothly.

Identity disturbance is really difficult for us to manage; therefore, it gets just as frustrating for us as it does to those around us. I have been told a lot to "make up my mind". That is one thing that will not help someone with BPD. That will most likely stress them out more. Even things like "what do you want to do in the future?". That is a stressful question when we do not even know what we want to do right now. When we respond with "I don't know", we really mean it. It is not just an answer to avoid the question. Please keep that in mind when talking to someone with BPD. We really appreciate people that don't go on about how "we should know what we're doing by now". If you know someone with BPD try to be patient with them. Understand that we struggle a lot and it gets tiring never knowing who we really are or if we even have our own personality. This is just my experience with identity disturbance. Everyone has different experiences and we are all different. I do hope this helps someone understand identity disturbance to some extent. Thank you for reading!