Dissociation

Dissociation can be a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD). This symptom is usually stressed induced. It is when someone disconnects from their sense of self. This could be thoughts, feelings, or memories. It can feel like snapping out of reality. It can be caused by trauma, anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. It can be split into two categories; depersonalization and derealization.

Depersonalization might feel like viewing oneself out of their own body; like not recognizing themselves in the mirror. It can feel like they are not in control of their actions. It could also be numbness, like a body without a mind. This could be like observing one's own body, thoughts, and emotions from an outside perspective. 

Derealization is more of a dream- like feeling. It is more of a detachment from the external world, rather than from oneself. It may feel like the world is foggy or blurred. Objects can appear unfamiliar. It makes it difficult to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

I personally experience derealization more than depersonalization; however, both are possible in BPD and other disorders. I have gone through it while out with friends and family and it can be difficult to remember where you are since you are no longer feeling real. This looks very different in everyone. For some people, it may only last minutes or hours, while for others it can be weeks or months. It is very different for everyone who experiences it. I have been lucky that mine usually only lasts a couple hours, but some people are not as lucky.

Overall, dissociation can be a very stressful symptom of BPD. In my case, sometimes I feel like I forget where I am or what I am doing. I am aware, but not aware at the same time. I may be driving and I know I am driving and where to go, but it feels like it's a dream the whole time until I snap out of it. It is a symptom that can be difficult to explain, but an important one. Please always remember people with BPD are not just making up stories or trying to be difficult. We genuinely are trying our best to cope. It just looks different. Thank you for reading!