Autistic Masking & Burnout
- Jade
- Jul 22
- 4 min read
Today I saw a parent posting about how their autistic child only acts out at home, but not really anywhere else. This made me want to share how masking as an autistic person can cause autistic burnout. I was that kid and we didn't know why. For those of you who don't know my full story, I was not diagnosed until I was 20. If you want the whole story, I will add a link to that post at the bottom. I have also made a post on what masking is before. I will share that link as well. In short, masking is the ability to hide natural traits to fit in with a neurotypical crowd. As a kid, I mostly only acted out at home. I was very good at masking at school and around friends. I wanted to go into depth a little more about why that is in this post.
Autistic burnout is a state of physical and mental exhaustion. It often occurs when things around us are not meant for the neurodivergent world. One common thing that can lead to autistic burnout is making. It can also be caused by lack of support or being overstimulated. It basically makes it very hard for those of us with autism to function in everyday life. When I saw the comment from that parent, it felt very relatable; except I was the kid. My mother would complain that "I'm always throwing tantrums" as a kid. The reality was, I am autistic and they were meltdowns. I was very quiet in school and although people thought I was weird, they figured I am well behaved, so nothing is wrong. Once I got home, I was a completely different person. I was screaming, throwing things, and running away. I would yell and leave the house during episodes or throw things and hit.
Looking back now, I realize I didn't have a lot of support because no one knew I was autistic. If I was told to do something and didn't understand, people assumed I just didn't listen. In reality, I just couldn't mask anymore. We listen to directions for 8 hours a day at school and it's a lot. Once we get home, we can't always hold it in anymore. In my case, I was really shy around new people. My mom put me in dance classes to get me "more social". I had a meltdown just about every time she dropped me off to class because I did not want to get out of the car and dance in front of people. I did end up enjoying it eventually, but I didn't really make friends there. I couldn't mask when I was there. I could be quiet, but I was drained from masking throughout the school day, so I kept to myself.
Having to put on a mask your entire day because you know you're different is draining, so a lot of the time we stay quiet. I believe this is often why the mask comes off at home and parents often end up seeing "the negative parts" of us. Please keep in mind, by the time your child comes home from school, they are probably also drained. I have been talking about childhood, but this applies to adults too. Work is draining and you have to mask all day. If you have an autistic adult in your life, the case may be similar. They are quiet and keep to themselves at work and may be very different at home.
Home can be a safe place. Our safe places are often where the mask comes off. It may also just be around our safe people. For some people, that is not home or family. Please keep in mind that those of us with autism are drained. We do not want to be yelling at you; we're just tired of life. I do not mean that to sound super negative, but the reality is that life often does not accommodate neurodivergent people. We are just trying to get by the best we can.
The best way to help someone that may be going through autistic burnout is, for one to let them unmask, but also try to reduce expectations a little. I am not saying let them do whatever they want, but understand their needs and try to accommodate them as much as possible. Also, since sensory issues can be a cause, reducing noise or lighting may help. You can also help the individual find resources to help them. Listening and understanding an individual's needs can make a world of difference. There are so many people who just dismiss us when we act out.
We want the help. We also want people to listen to what we have to say. We do not always express it the best way, but we try. I personally do support groups to help me. I have found some great ones online. I am also in therapy. My support system is mostly friends and family, but I know not everyone has that. If you are interested, please reach out to me and ask for resources. I am also always looking for new ways to connect! Thank you for reading. I appreciate all of you!
Links for my story and more on masking:
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